


El Diario de El Cid

by Abyssia



Category: Saint Seiya, 聖闘士星矢: 冥王神話 | Saint Seiya: The Lost Canvas
Genre: Love, M/M, Pining, Poetry, being nosy, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-02-08 18:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18628600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abyssia/pseuds/Abyssia
Summary: Consumed with loneliness Sisyphus searches for comfort while El Cid is away. Their relationship having only recently began, after years of pining, Sisyphus still worries that his desires outpace those of his beloved El Cid.However, when sisyphus discover’s El Cid’s Secret Diary, Sisyphus finds that his physical desires are not only reciprocated, but perhaps even superseded by the depths hidden behind El Cid’s cool demeanor.





	1. Chapter 1

Not even a week had passed since El Cid last departed for a mission; and already, Sisyphus was finding the separation unbearable. And so, in an act of foolishness or perhaps devotion; Sisyphus made his way to El Cid’s empty bedroom.

It was late afternoon, bordering on twilight. With his daily duties ended, time he would have otherwise spent with El Cid now was spent alone. It had not even been a week, for this, Sisyphus was clearly deluded, pathetic. With that knowledge however, he kept on with his habits.

It had been several months since a rushed confession and a jumbled kiss had passed between the two of them, and so their relationship was still young, and yet Sisyphus found himself increasingly anxious the longer that El Cid was apart from him.

Gazing around El Cid’s bedroom, Sisyphus’ gaze was drawn to something at the center of El Cid’s desk. Walking closer, he saw that it was a rather beautiful leather-bound notebook. Sisyphus had seen the journal that Cid kept of his daily activities, but this was not the same one. This one was of a far more elaborate construction. The leather was decorated with many carved flowers.

Sisyphus sat down and placed his hands on the book. He was vaguely aware of the various symbolic meanings of flowers, and he had a hunch that the choice was perhaps intentional. But, it was too much to hope. Sisyphus undid the latch and opened the book, immediately being greeted by a poem in the center of the page.

_What is a gentle soul,_

_that cannot to itself be kind?_

_offers a feather’s touch to the world_

_but bears fangs within?_

_None other than the one I love_

_Sisyphus_

 

Sisyphus’ face burst into a brilliant blush. Judging by the date, this poem was written not much longer than a year after El Cid had first joined the gold saints. El Cid hadn’t even  turned 18 at that time, and yet he was already so strongly declaring his love, as if there could not be a single doubt in his mind.

Turning to the next page, Sisyphus found a full written entry and he began to read without hesitation.

* * *

 

**_Marzo 13 1738_**

_My attraction to him seemed cemented from the moment I first met him. From the moment he gave me that warm smile, greeted me, welcomed me to the ranks of the gold saints; I felt a warmth spark deep within me. A feeling while not unfamiliar, had been thoroughly stamped out in the past._

_My infatuation had certainly begun that day, and it was unavoidable that my feelings would grow._

_I am someone who takes pride in my observational skills; my ability to read opponents and to predict outcomes. But, with matters of the hearts and minds of others; I know that I still have much that can be improved upon._

_Sisyphus, while he conducts himself with a flawlessly friendly affect; is by no means devoid of troubles._

_It was hard to fully grasp, but over time, I began to understand._

_Sisyphus, while he treats everyone around him with such kindness, holds no such kind regard for himself._

_Today, I observed Sisyphus at archery practice. He often insists that I join him, but I prefer to act as his assistant instead. I collect the arrows for him so that he may focus only on preparing for the next shot. That is something that brings me great satisfaction. Removing from Sisyphus’ training every possible distraction or obstacle._

_During one particular round, Sisyphus had let loose a shot so powerful and so perfectly aimed, that the arrow had lodged itself nearly half-way into the target. I watched him as he fired that shot, saw how his eyes focused on the target and how he adjusted his aim to compensate for trajectory and wind. I felt my breath be stolen away as that arrow flew from the bow, sailing through the air to hit it’s mark._

_That arrow depleted Sisyphus’ quiver and so I dutifully marched across the shooting range to the target._

_After I had finished collecting the arrows, turning around I noticed that Sisyphus had left ahead of me. I tidied up the rest of the shooting range and put away the equipment. I could feel Sisyphus’ presence nearby, but it was difficult to pinpoint his location exactly. But soon enough I found where he had wandered off to. Sisyphus had sequestered himself away near a lightly wooded area. I approached quietly a sudden apprehension gripping my heart._

_I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but Sisyphus was muttering angrily to himself. He snarled, let out a frustrated yell and slammed his fist into a pillar in rage.._

_I called out his name, and sisyphus looked at me. His face went from surprise to embarrassment. He didn’t seem to know how to respond and just stared at me in silence._

_-let me see your hand,_

_I asked, reaching down to take Sisyphus’ hand. Sisyphus winced and I could tell that he had injured himself, if not even broken a bone. I ran a finger up and down the red area on the back of his hand and found the most tender area. His knuckles were scraped and had begun to ooze blood. Without thinking, I pulled his hand to my mouth and licked the blood and grime from his hand._

_-El Cid?!_

_Sisyphus replied._

_Before replying I spat the grime on the ground_

_-I cannot allow your bowstring hand to become injured_

_With my other hand, I pulled a handkerchief from my belt. Without letting go of Sisyphus’ hand, I tore the cloth in two with my teeth and wrapped one strip around Sisy’s injured hand._

_-Thank you..._

_Sisyphus said slowly as I tied the second strip of cloth around his hand_

_I found myself not wanting to pull my hand away, but I had to. Sisyphus was clearly extremely embarrassed to have been seen like that._

_The look on his face yet lingers in my mind._

_clear blue_

_a placid surface_

_the sky, the sea_

_for in that blue there is a depth_

_a place unknown to me_

_the waves crash over me_

_and I am carried in the current_

_his riptide captures me_

_oh to be lost at sea._

**_Marzo 14 1738_**

_He greeted me with a smile all the same when I found him at practice. He had already begun his archery regimen. I was a little hurt that he hadn’t asked me to assist him as before, but perhaps there was reason in that._

_Despite how distraught Sisyphus had been the day before, he seemed completely normal today. But perhaps that was his intention. As confident and radiant as he always was, now I couldn’t help but wonder what he was hiding._

_Sisyphus smiled, although it didn’t seem to quite reach his eyes._

_-El Cid, good to see you this morning._

_Sisyphus’ smile was blinding when he faced me._

_I nodded in reply, my arms crossed over my chest. I wanted nothing more than to watch him practice again, but Sisyphus had other ideas._

_Sisyphus set his bow down and then gestured to the range while looking at me._

_-El Cid, how about you take a shot?_

_-If you insist,_

_I replied. I was perfectly serviceable with a bow, but I was nowhere near Sisyphus’ level of pure polished skill. I was the swordsman, he the bowman._

_I walked up to the range and picked up the bow from the stand. We were about the same height and weight so we could share training equipment. Without asking, Sisyphus placed an armgard on my left wrist, as well as an archer’s glove on my right hand. My breath caught in my throat just from the sudden contact of his skin on mine._

_Sisyphus then picked up his bow and stood behind me. His chest pressed closely against my back, and he held the bow in front of me. I gripped the bow as sturdily as I could, Sisyphus not letting go at first._

_-Your stance is very good. Now just remember to keep your arm level when you knock the arrow._

_I nodded, about to reach for an arrow when Sisyphus instead placed one in my hand. While holding the bow towards the ground, I very carefully notched the arrow on the string and rested it on the firing shelf. Sisyphus remained very close to me, his left arm still holding the bow, and his right hand guiding my draw._

_I did my very best to keep my breathing level._

_If I did not know better, I would think that he was taunting me, flirting with me. If he had seen how intensely I was looking at him before. Perhaps to put me in my place for such indecency, or he was simply being as thorough and helpful as he possibly could be. Regardless, I greatly relish the feeling of all but being held against his chest._

_With his hand, he so commands the bow_

_Arrow set to string_

_Pulled to tension and release_

_Intensely his eyes do rest,_

_For I would stand before him_

_I long to be pierced_

_Just so that he may hold_

_such control over me_

_String me tight, pull me to my full arch_

_Bend me to your will_

_With your strength complete my curvature_

_And let me sail free into ecstasy_  

* * *

 

“Oh El Cid...” Sisyphus said aloud to himself. Sisyphus had indeed been testing Cid at that time. After El Cid had so brazenly licked Sisyphus’ hand clean and had been so concerned about his well being; Sisyphus had wondered if perhaps El Cid was also romantically or even sexually interested. Now, he felt ashamed of the tactics. Sisyphus had found El Cid physically attractive from the moment they had first met, but had restrained himself on account of El Cid’s Initial junior status. But as they grew closer, and El Cid grew from an adolescent to a full adult; Sisyphus grew less hesitant.

However, Sisyphus still wanted to test the waters. At that time Sisyphus did not fully understand how El Cid expressed himself; and so, from that day at the archery range, had concluded that el Cid had no sexual interest in Sisyphus.

But looking at the page, he saw how El Cid's immaculate script began to shake whenever the words described Sisyphus. And thinking back, Sisyphus remembered the slight quiver in El Cid’s Body and the quickening of his breathing.

Sisyphus bit his lip when he saw the next date. While he did not want to relive that day, he wanted to know what thoughts El Cid had held in his heart that day.

* * *

 

**_Diciembre 9 1739_**

_I do not fully know what to do with myself at the moment. Something quite important has happened this night. Sisyphus had left for several days along with Aldebaran without any notice or warning. Needless to say I was rather distraught. I heard whispers about the estranged, mysterious Leo saint. Although no one could give me much direct information. All I could do was wait._

_Until, however, this evening, I sensed Sisyphus returning. Without hesitation, I rushed to his residence to meet him._

_When I arrived, Sisyphus was sitting all but collapsed on the floor holding a very young boy in his arms._

_The boy he held bore a striking resemblance to Sisyphus and couldn’t be much older than six years old._

_Sisyphus looked up, his tear-stained face forming into a very weak smile._

_-El Cid, thank goodness. I need your help._

_-Of course, whatever you need, my friend._

_-My brother, Ilias—he’s dead._

_I took a risk and reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Sisyphus reacted in slight shock, but did not pull away._

_-Let me take the boy, you need to rest._

_Sisyphus looked down at the boy; at the moment I could not tell if he was asleep or unconscious._

_-Regulus, his name is Regulus. He is my brother’s son._

_I nodded, and reached out to take the boy into my arms. I stood up and carried him to Sisyphus’ bedroom and set him down on the bed. I covered Regulus in a blanket and made sure that his head was supported by a pillow. When he was situated, I then returned to where Sisyphus sat on the floor._

_I did, and still do not know very much about Sisyphus’ relationship with his brother, but I could glean enough from how it affected him._

_I knelt down and placed a hand on his shoulder again._

_-you need not tell me what happened if you do not wish to, but know that I am here._

_Sisyphus let out a weak sob and placed a hand over mine._

_-Thank you El Cid. Thank you so much._

_Sisyphus let out a sigh before continuing._

_-My brother he was always called a Hero. He was a prodigy, he was talented, brave, kind and loyal._

_I nodded, moving my hand from his shoulder to his back. Sisyphus’ hand fell away._

_-It can be a great burden to stand in the shadow of someone such as that._

_Sisyphus looked up at me, his eyes wide. I could not fully decipher his expression, but I did not have much time to. He immediately fell forward and pressed his face against my chest. I did not hesitate to place my hands on his back and hold him while he continued to sob._

_-Thank you…El Cid, thank you so much_

_I heard him mutter._

* * *

 

Sisyphus did not much want to remember that night, the horror of having lost his brother, and the added weight of responsibility of caring for a child still caused him great agony to even recall. But with El Cid by his side, Sisyphus had been able to keep himself afloat.

On top of all of that, Sisyphus had been overwhelmed by warmth at El Cid’s concern. Somehow, even without knowing of Sisyphus’ relationship to his brother, El Cid had seen right through him. Before then, Sisyphus had struggled to find someone who gave him sympathy.

Everyone assumed that as Illias’ younger brother, Sisyphus would be filled with pride and admiration. Sisyphus was always referred to as “the hero’s brother” in his youth. Even his close friends Asperos and Hasgard at the time; they only served to drive the blade even deeper.

Perhaps it was indicative of Sisyphus’  fragile heart; that instead of pride, Sisyphus only felt pressure. He felt the weight of expectation pressing down on him from all sides, at all times. Even after Ilias left to raise his son alone.

El Cid, it was El Cid who saw his pain and understood. El Cid, had managed to see Sisyphus’ weakness that he was the most ashamed of.

With that level of understanding between them, it should have been obvious to Sisyphus how deeply El Cid cared for him.

But up until that point, Sisyphus had been completely(perhaps willfully) ignorant. That was however, until events led to El Cid finally confessing his feelings. And according to Sisyphus’ memory, that was the next event that would be covered in El Cid’s Dairy.

Feeling himself nearly in a trance, Sisyphus turned over the next page.

* * *

 

**_Febrero 17 1740_ **

_Late at night, I heard a commotion coming from Sisyphus’ residence next to mine. And as such, I felt an impulse to go and investigate. When I arrived, I saw the young Regulus storming out of Sisyphus’ house in tears. I reached out towards Regulus, but the boy was fast and leapt away within mere moments._

_I then entered Sisyphus’ home and saw him on his knees on the floor, face in his hands._

_-What was I thinking? there was no way I could ever hope to replace my brother._

_Sisyphus was muttering to himself._

_-Sisyphus_

_My firm voice was enough to catch his attention. He looked up at me and quickly wiped his nose and eyes._

_-El Cid…_

_He began, trying to force his signature smile._

_-Come with me,_

_I said, offering him a hand. Sisyphus took my hand and got to his feet. For a very brief but significant moment we stood there with our hands connected. I for one did not want to let go, but eventually Sisyphus pulled his hand away._

_-let Regulus be on his own for a while, he will return when he is ready. And in the meantime, please accompany on a walk until you calm down._

_Sisyphus nodded, and I lead him out of the residence and towards a foot path we often strolled together._

_Sisyphus was very distressed. I could see it, and feel it. Once we were a fair distance from the housing area, he began to speak again._

_-I am such a fool, aren’t I El Cid. To think that I thought that this boy would trust me so soon after having lost his own father._

_-Sisyphus_

_I said softly_

_-It’s absolutely absurd. I always knew I would never be able to live up to my brother. And now in his death, his shadow still looms over me._

_-Sisyphus._

_I said again, a little firmer._

_-But of course, Regulus must hate me. This business with saints and Athena is what killed his father in the first place. Why would he want to throw himself into this world just because of his uncle he’s never met?!_

_-Sisyphus!_

_Sisyphus then stopped talking and turned back towards me with his eyes wide. I knew he would misinterpret my frustration so I had to act quickly._

_-El Cid, I’m sorry, it must be awful to hear me be so pathetic._

_Before he could continue I moved to stand in front of him. I placed one hand on his hip to pull him flush against me, and my other hand on his face. I held his gaze, unblinkingly for a few moments to allow him to calm down._

_I was struck for a few moments by the clear beauty of Sisyphus’ blue eyes, but I could not allow myself to be distracted._

_-Please forgive me Sisyphus. I do not want to take advantage of your low emotional state, but I cannot simply watch this any longer._

_-Cid?_

_-Please, do not think that I am trying to guilt you. But I want you to know that it deeply pains me to see you like this. I cannot bear to see your heart in such distress. And I wish, more than anything to ease your suffering in any way that I can._

_-El Cid…you are very kind but—_

_-Sisyphus I love you._

_-What?_

_-I love you Sisyphus. I very deeply and fully love you. I cannot go another moment without telling you that._

_Sisyphus at that moment started to shake his head, tears starting to form._

_-No, no no, El Cid—_

_-I am sorry if my feelings are unwelcome._

_-No Cid—I love you too!_

_For some reason, Sisyphus appeared very distressed when he said this._

_-I love you, despite myself. Even though I could never be worthy of you. I want you all to myself even though I know it’s selfish. I feel awful but I love you!_

_-Sisyphus,_

_I pulled him tightly into my arms, and Sisyphus then began to sob openly._

_-Forgive me for confessing so suddenly like this. I am, quite frankly overjoyed to know that you share my feelings._

_Sisyphus dug his hands into my back and I continued to hold him closely._

_-El Cid..._

_He replied again._

_-Please do not say that you don’t deserve me._

_-I know...I’m sorry._

_-It pains me to see you like that._

_-I know._

_I continued to hold Sisyphus, it seemed to be what he needed at that moment._

_-Are you ready to return? I will walk you back._

_Sisyphus nodded and pulled away. The cool night air was now turning into a lingering chill ,I could see Sisyphus beginning to shiver._

_Before he began to walk, Sisyphus first took my hand. He didn’t look at me, but I squeezed his hand firmly in return_

_We walked hand-in-hand back to Sisyphus’ residence. I looked around, but could not see any sign of Regulus. I thought to return to my own residence._

_-Sisyphus, if you need me, I’ll be right next door._

_Sisyphus shook his head, not letting go of my hand._

_I swallowed, knowing immediately what he wanted of me._

_-Very well._

_I replied, following Sisyphus inside._

_He was dressed in light enough clothes to sleep, and as such he floated into the bedroom and all but collapsed on his bed._

_I stood there for a few moments, staring at Sisyphus somewhat dumb-struck. After a few moments of silence, I removed my waistcoat and pants and climbed into the bed with him. I pulled the covers over us both and saw that Sisyphus was wriggling off his own pants. My face was almost certainly red as could be, but Sisyphus didn’t seem to notice. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled his face into my chest. His bare legs intertwined with mine and I had to hold back a gasp. I pulled him close and rested my face against his soft and fragrant hair._

_I was too shocked to fully focus on my own arousal, but it was present. He was so warm and smelled so heavenly. It was certainly not the time, Sisyphus was vulnerable, and I was feeling quite confident. Finally being able to tell him how I felt; and getting a positive response filled me with elation._

_I did my very best to calm myself and hold him as he so clearly needed. I hoped, and still hope, that I can sleep by his side every night._

_I know that is impossible. Not only are the both of us often sent away on separate missions, but it is incredibly likely that Sisyphus could realize he was after all mistaken about his feelings and pull himself away._

_But even if that comes to pass, I will forever have the memory of his body pressed so closely against mine._

_The dream doesn’t end_

_For when the morning breaks, I see your smile_

_The world of waking_

_Your skin against mine_

_You breath trailing up my spine_

* * *

 

Sisyphus put the book down and gasped, almost as if coming up for air. This was only a few months ago now, and so sisyphus’ own memories were still incredibly fresh.

Sisyphus himself felt a little relieved, his own shameful feelings now having become vindicated. Sisyphus had indeed only wanted El Cid’s physical closeness and comfort, but by daylight, Sisyphus’ body had made his other desires very clear.

When sisyphus had awoken that morning, his face was still nestled in El Cid's firm and supple chest. He almost thought that it had been a dream. But, the reality soon crashed down on him. Sisyphus bolted out of bed and dashed away before El Cid had a chance to respond.

What must have El Cid thought? He surely must have thought that Sisyphus had indeed rejected him. The entry said as much. El Cid must have written the entry after the two of them had parted ways that day, and before the two of them saw each other again.

Sisyphus turned the page.

* * *

 

**_Febrero 18 1740_ **

_Honestly I feel somewhat foolish for worrying. I should have had more faith in Sisyphus’ words. Because now as I write this, it is now the second night since I confessed my feelings to Sisyphus. And last night, after I was certain that Sisyphus had changed his mind, Sisyphus came to me again._

_He called upon my residence very late at night, and I let him in without a word._

_-I’m sorry,_

_Sisyphus said suddenly._

_-Sisyphus..._

_-I’ve ignored you all day. Please, don’t think that this is because I’ve rejected you. Far from it._

_I bit my lip and remained silent as he continued._

_Sisyphus pulled himself closer and placed a hand on my cheek._

_-Regulus has returned, and so I must remain with him tonight, but I wanted to make sure that I made myself clear to you._

_Sisyphus then placed his other hand on my waist and pulled himself close. My breath was already completely stolen by the time his soft lips met mine. I gasped and then forced my lips to close and then fall open again. Sisyphus lingered for a few moments, kissing me very slowly and softly. I muttered his name against his lips and he pulled away. I caught his gaze for a moment, his blue eyes had never looked more alive than in that moment. He then tightened his arms round my back and pressed his face into my neck._

_-thank you for always staying by my side..._

_-I promise that I will remain here, always_

_I managed to reply, my voice hardly above a whisper._

_I was still in a daze when Sisyphus left. It was important for Sisyphus to remain with Regulus to care for the young boy in his time of need, so I understood. I was in no position to pull Sisyphus away from his nephew. But indeed, I did not want to take him for myself, I wanted to go with him. I wanted to remain with Sisyphus and make his bed my own._

_But the activities we would inevitably engage upon in that bed were by no means appropriate while Regulus was living with him._

_just from a kiss alone, I feel beyond elated_

_Your lips do part,_

_Form the air to speech_

_I am rapt, for nothing does enthrall me more_

_Than those two lips_

_From nervousness, pinched between teeth_

_A sudden red flush_

_For I do desire to meet thee at the doorway,_

_Let me find my way_

Sisyphus was fully intending to continue reading until he saw that the next few pages were blank. But before the disappointment had settled in, Sisyphus kept flipping until he found that the writings started up again.

At first he wondered why there was a gap, but then the reasoning soon became abundantly clear.

Upon glimpsing one of the further entries, Sisyphus’ face was consumed with a sudden red flush and he snapped the diary closed. Just as well because at that exact moment, Sisyphus heard the door open from behind him.

  



	2. Chapter 2

Sisyphus turned around and was greeted by El Cid standing at the entrance to his own bedroom. The joy of seeing his beloved El Cid again was somewhat tainted by the shock of guilt that then immediately rose up in his chest.

“Sisyphus,” El Cid said, his lips forming into his beautiful and rare smile. “I am so glad to see you,” El Cid, having already discarded his coat and travelling affects walked towards Sisyphus with his arms outstretched.

There was no suspicion, no questions about why Sisyphus was there in El Cid’s bedroom. Sisyphus stood up from the desk, holding onto the diary while keeping it behind his back.

Once the two of them were close enough, El Cid pulled Sisyphus into a half-embrace and a brief kiss. Sisyphus however pulled away quite quickly. Instead of pursuing El Cid’s affections, he pulled out the notebook and placed it squarely on El Cid’s chest.

The two of them stood there in silence for a few brief moments, Sisyphus refusing to meet El Cid's gaze. “I’m so sorry El Cid...I read this. It was obviously private—”

“Sisyphus,” El Cid replied in a tantalizingly soft voice.

Sisyphus dared a glance at El Cid but found himself as always unable to look back away. El Cid’s eyes were clear and unflinching; but above all, utterly enthralling. “El Cid…I had no idea that you felt this strongly about me…” Sisyphus said, a spark of heat flaring up at the memory of El Cid’s words.

El Cid however grimaced in response. “I am so sorry, please forgive—”

Sisyphus reached out and put a finger over Cid’s lips to silence him. “Please, first allow me to finish.”

Cid nodded and didn’t respond.

“I was missing you quite terribly. To the point that I felt utterly pathetic. I’m so happy to see you El Cid, I really am, but I should have never invaded your privacy like this.”

El Cid shook his head. “No, it is I who should apologize. I should have told you outright instead of hiding my feelings—” Sisyphus moved his hand to fully cover El Cid’s mouth. El Cid’s eyes widened slightly and Sisyphus gave him a firm and serious look.

“El Cid, it doesn’t matter. I understand why you did it. You were trying to respect me. Really, I should have been more clear with you from the very beginning.”

Sisyphus moved his hand to rest on Cid’s cheek, his thumb pressing between Cid’s lips. “Maybe as an apology,” he paused. “You and I can indulge in some of these fantasies, together instead.” Sisyphus said, pulling his eyes away from Cid’s lips and meeting Cid’s gaze.

El Cid nodded, gently taking a hold of Sisyphus’ hand and gently kissing each knuckle one-by-one.

“It would be my greatest pleasure,” El Cid said in a particularly deep and alluring tone.

Sisyphus smiled softly in response, his eyes then taking in El Cid’s overall somewhat haggard form. “Cid, you look exhausted.”

Even if El Cid could hide it from everyone else, he wouldn’t be able to keep it from Sisyphus. El Cid gave a small smirk and entwined his finger’s with Sisyphus’

El Cid replied. “I need only rest a short while. And then I will be ready.”

Sisyphus’ mouth turned down into a small pout. “You need not force yourself.”

“How can I deny you when you have already waited so long?”

Sisyphus rolled his eyes lightly. “El Cid,”

They held eachother’s gazes for a few more moments.

“At the very least we should get more comfortable,” Cid continued. “And then, I would like to share with you the rest of my writings.”

“Cid, you don't have to—” Sisyphus began before Cid silenced him with a look of longing.

“I want to,” El Cid bit his lip. “In all honesty, I am so easily overwhelmed whenever I speak to you. Rather than risk saying something untoward, I default to silence, forgive me.”

“El Cid, Greek is not your mother-tongue as it is mine,” Sisyphus said, stroking Cid’s cheek. “I could tell how much more confident and expressive you were when writing in your native tongue. You can speak freely in Spanish with me if you wish.”

El Cid shook his head. “Greek is the language I know you understand the best. The fact that my meaning is communicated to you is what is most important.”

“Well you just need to teach me how to understand Spanish just as well then,” Sisyphus said, pulling himself a little closer.

El Cid took in a sharp breath and lifted his hands to rest on Sisyphus’ back. “Gladly.”

The two of them went to lie down on El Cid’s bed. Cid laid out on his back with Sisyphus propped on his side next to him.

El Cid laid there for a few moments with his eyes close. Sisyphus took that moment to take in the sight of El Cid’s long breautiful eyelashes.

“Read to me,” El Cid said suddenly.

“What?”

“Read to me out of the diary, from where you stopped.”

“I…” Sisyphus swallowed. “I assume it just gets…more erotic from here on in.”

“You can read it to yourself if you want while I rest. But, this way I can know exactly what of mine you have read.”

Sisyphus swallowed. “If anything…I would want you to read it to me,” Sisyphus said quietly. “How about this, I’ll read the entries while you rest, and then you can recite the poems to me later. I want to hear you say them aloud…”

El Cid nodded and let his eyes fall shut. “Agreed,” one of El Cid’s hands reached out towards Sisyphus. Sisyphus grabbed it and held it to his own chest.

Sisyphus then continued reading where he had left off. He let out a long breath to try and prepare himself.

* * *

 

* * *

 

_Marzo 11th 1739_

_Perhaps it was foolish of me, to think that things would become easier once I had confessed. My heart feels less burdened, but for sisyphus; the burden seems ever heavier._

_Since that last incident, Regulus has not shown any such signs of acting out again. I have taken to assisting in Regulus’ training personally. Oddly, the lad seems to have taken a liking to me._

_I am with Sisyphus and the boy almost constantly. Although he spent much of his life being raised by a single parent; he seems eager to accept more mentors. More eager than could have ever been expected._

_Today, was a normal day; as normal as it could be. Despite me and sisyphus having confessed; we do not feel much closer. Instead, it seems like Sisyphus is much more on edge around me. This saddens me, to say the least. I am fully aware that showing affection while out in public would be inappropriate; but considering how giving he always had been with casual physical affection; I am surprised that now, he holds back._

_In the morning, I accompanied Sisyphus to the archives where we worked on Regulus’ education. By no means an easy task. It shouldn’t be surprising that he had not been taught even what a book was before coming here. Despite this, Sisyphus seemed to have a bit of a short fuse around Regulus’ resistance to the written word._

_-Regulus, regulus!_

_Sisyphus chided. The three of us were sitting around the table; sisyphus struggling to get Regulus through a basic Greek reader. The boy was soon to turn 7 as I understood it. Not surprising that he was so full of energy._

_-what! I don’t get it! This book thing is just full of squiggly lines!_

_-not lines, letters! Greek is one of the oldest alphabets in the western world, show some respect!_

_I pressed my lips together, looking up from the poetry anthology I had been reading. Typically I try to stay out of it, but it seemed to be coming to a head._

_-Sisyphus,_

_I said gently, reaching out a hand to touch Sisyphus’ arm. Sisyphus started a jerked back as if he had been burnt. I avoided his eyes, slightly hurt at his reaction._

_-If you don’t mind, I would like to try teaching him one on one for a little while. If you like, you can go and take a break outside for a short while._

_Sisyphus did not want to seem like he had given up; but I didn’t want him to get even more frustrated._

_-Okay,_

_Sisyphus replied. Getting up from the table and stalking away briskly._

_-Regulus,_

_I began, leaning over to the boy. Regulus looked up at me with his clear blue eyes; giving me his undivided attention._

_-Do you understand why your uncle Sisyphus gets mad at you like that?_

_Regulus shrugged._

_-i dunno…i’m clearly doing something wrong; but I don’t get it. Papa never taught me anything like this._

_-your uncle Sisyphus, he grew up with your papa, you know that right?_

_Regulus nodded._

_-that means that when Sisyphus was young, he was taught by your papa too._

_-really?_

_Regulus asked with wide eyes. i nodded in reply._

_-Sisyphus was actually taught to read by your papa. I don’t think that Sisyphus is mad at you; I think he is mad at himself; because he thinks he can’t be as good a teacher as his brother once was._

_Regulus paused for a moment, I watched the gears turning in his head._

_-Uncle Sisy…wants to be like my papa?_

_-Yes. Sisyphus loved your papa, his brother. They were family._

_-Uncle sisy and papa were family. That’s why uncle sisy is my family._

_-yes, that’s correct. Sisyphus spent his whole life looking up to your papa. He always wanted to be just like him. And now that your papa is gone, Sisyphus worries that he won’t be as good. He worries that he won’t be able to help you as much. He worries that you will hate him_

_Regulus frowned._

_-I don’t hate uncle sisy! I love him! He’s been so nice to me!_

_-But you ran away a lot when you were first here._

_-Yeah but…it wasn’t because I hated him. It’s because i was looking for papa._

_-Regulus…your father is—_

_-Yeah I know he’s dead but! He’s still here!_

_Regulus suddenly smashed a tiny fish into the table._

_-He’s still here! He promised. He told me…that he became one with nature. That I could find him—in the air, the grass…the sea_

_-I see. You were looking for your father._

_-That’s what I said!_

_-I understand regulus. But at least try to tell your uncle that; so that he doesn’t worry._

_-I told him! But he just said the same thing; that papa is dead._

_-And did that upset you the same way as now?_

_Regulus nodded._

_-I’m sorry. I think i get it. I got mad, and he thought I was mad at him…_

_Regulus’ mouth curled up into a frown._

_-I can help you tell Sisyphus about this, if you like._

_Regulus perked up._

_-really? Thanks! Because I really…I don’t want to see uncle sisy so sad…_

_-neither do i,_

_I said with a soft smile before continuing._

_-Now, i would like to try your lessons again, just until sisyphus returns._

_-okay!_

_-there are lots of interesting things in books; fantastic adventures and epic legends. Being able to read will help you understand more about the world._

_I paused._

_-there are even books that can tell you about all the beautiful places in the world; about the nature that your father so loved._

_-Can books show me how to find papa??_

_-Books can help you learn what your father knew, and through that, you can grow closer to him._

_Regulus smiled very brightly._

_-Why didn’t you just say that before!_

_I smiled warmly. I hoped that I could help. But given sisyphus’ propensity towards lambasting himself I was not confident that he would take this very well._

_Regulus didn’t seem to notice, but I could tell that Sisyphus had remained close by in the archives, listening._

_-Regulus, keep looking at this book, and practice writing letters for a little bit. I will be back shortly._

_I stood up swiftly and walked to where Sisyphus had been hiding. I did not even dare a look at his face, I did not want to see his dejection or pain. I grabbed him by the wrist and lead him deep into the archives, far enough away that Regulus could not easily hear us._

_-El Cid_

_Sisyphus began, but I didn’t reply. I pulled him harder one last time and pushed him up against a stone wall. I planted my hands firmly on either side of his head and looked him straight in the eyes._

_-Sisyphus, forgive me._

_I then lunged in and kissed him, rather deeply. I pressed my body against his, hoping to overwhelm his sadness and push it clean from his body._

_Sisyphus was suprised enough at first that he didn’t resist. I longed so deeply for his touch that I let myself indulge as long as he let me. I slipped my tongue between his lips long enough for Sisyphus to gasp and moan before he finally pushed me away._

_-El Cid! What are you doing! This isn’t the place!_

_-It scarcely seems like anywhere is the place as of late. You and I are constantly with regulus, which I do not resent. I deeply love being with you throughout the day and helping you train regulus._

_I am not disappointed that our intimacy has no progressed; I do not wish to force you. Every kiss from you, no matter how brief is like a gift from heaven._

_But what I do resent is how you shrink from me, how you avoid my gaze and pull away from me. If you do not wish to continue a courtship with me; please tell me. I can weather heartbreak, but I cannot stand this uncertainty.-_

_Sisyphus stared back at me balefully for a few moments. His arms lifted to rest on my back, his hands digging into my shirt._

_-El Cid…el cid…_

_-Forgive me, please forgive me. I shouldn’t be so harsh I just—I don’t know how else to get through to you._

_Sisyphus intterupted my words by kissing me, gently this time. I let out a low moan, savoring the taste and sensation of his heavenly lips as long as I could._

_-I am so sorry el cid. I should have talked with you honestly about this, instead of just staying silent. Again, I should have learned._

_-Sisyphus…_

_I sighed, still a little dazed from his kiss._

_-I love you El Cid. That isn’t going to change. I love you and I…want to kiss you, and touch you._

_-As do I._

_-But we can’t, not now._

_-Obviously, not right now._

_-No I mean, not now in our lives. Not with—_

_He jerked his head in regulus’ general direction._

_-I understand, Regulus is your top priority._

_-I want to spend more time with just you, El Cid. I really do._

_-That’s alright. I desire only to be by your side however I can._

_-And I need you, clearly. You were able to get through to Regulus when I could not._

_-I only told him the truth about you, and he listened, and understood that you love and care for him._

_Sisyphus swallowed and nodded._

_-But El Cid…I also care for you, and I love you…In a quite different way of course._

_I nodded, pulling closer to rest my forehead against his._

_-Thank you Sisyphus, for reminding me. Even I can get anxious, you know._

_Sisyphus nodded and pulled me even closer, resting his head against my neck._

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

_Abril 3rd, 1739_

_I do not mind the slow progress of my intimacy with Sisyphus. I care above all that Sisyphus is comfortable. But after today, my assessments have been called into question. I had discounted his level of physical attraction to me at first, but now I think that he is holding back. Not least because I am three years his junior, but also because of his position._

_I have never wanted to push him, but it seems that I should have been more prudent._

_Somehow, since our confession, this is the first time that this particular situation has come about. The shared bath that is closest to both our residences, is not often in use, what with the abundance of baths all over sanctuary. But, I should have considered the possibility of running into Sisyphus._

_I was not prepared however, for just how radiant he truly was._

_I entered the bath, holding a towel over my arm. When I looked up, Sisyphus was standing on the paved floor of the bath house pouring water over his head. As he had not noticed me immediately, I took in the sight for a long moment. I watched the water flow through his already damp hair and down over his neck and chest. His skin was nearly luminous under the light coming from the high narrow windows. Sisyphus then opened his eyes and turned to look at me._

_His face then went completely red and his eyes went wide. His stance opened and he turned fully towards me. His eyes then darted to my crotch which was indeed exposed.I also glanced at his groin, seeing that he was suddenly partially erect._

_Perhaps I was too, I didn’t feel the need to check. Sisyphus was certainly beautiful enough to ignite my desires at any given moment._

_Unsure exactly how to deal with this situation, I turned around and went back into the changing area. I heard sisyphus moving around behind me and only returned when I heard a loud splash._

_-If you would rather I leave—_

_I called_

_-No!_

_Sisyphus replied, and I re-entered the room, wrapping my towel around my waist. Sisyphus had retreated into the bath and was holding a towel over his waist._

_He wasn’t meeting my eyes and so I went about filling a wash jug with water and grabbing more cloths to bathe myself before entering the hotspring._

_-El Cid, I’m sorry_

_-Whatever for?_

_-This shouldn’t be awkward, but I made it so_

_-please, do not lambast yourself for this._

_I replied, lifting the jug to pour it out over my head._

_Of course, I wondered if Sisyphus was looking at me the same way I had looked at him. I certainly like that idea, of him desiring me._

_After I finished washing myself, I prepared to leave._

_-Come over here,_

_Sisyphus said softly. I turned and he was looking right at me._

_-I can just wait_

_-No, come here and sit next to me._

_I was surprised and elated by his directness. Holding a towel over my lap, I walked over to the edge of the bath where he sat and lowered myself in. Sisyphus then very suddenly pulled himself to my side and sat as close to me as possible. I felt panic rise in my throat and struggled to put an arm around his waist in response._

_Sisyphus let out a long sigh and pulled himself close. Despite the erotic tension that had been sparked, it was also incredibly calming to feel Sisyphus so close._

_Sisyphus then craned his neck up to kiss me. I was so surprised that I didn’t have time to respond. His lips met my slack mouth and i let out a low grunt. Sisyphus then immediately pulled away and then shoved himself back out into the water._

_-Sisyphus—_

_-I’m sorry El Cid I clearly overstepped._

_Sisyphus was curled in on himself and now was shrinking away from my touch._

_-no sisyphus. You didn’t overstep. I wanted to keep kissing you._

_Sisyphus looked up at me, his expression heartbreaking._

_-But I can see that you are quite flustered and embarrassed, do not be ashamed. I want to be with you, by your side._

_-I just…I don’t know—_

_I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder._

_-however, we are not here to kiss, we are here to bathe._

_-that is correct._

_-and if you would allow me, I would aide you,_

_Sisyphus let out a small laugh._

_-You are not my servant El Cid. You’re my…you’re my lover._

_-And is not bathing one another an expression of intimacy as well?_

_Sisyphus grinned shyly._

_-Again, you are correct._

_He leaned in and kissed me gently again. I touched his cheek before I pulled away._

_After we parted, I inevitably indulged in my desires privately._

_I brought to mind how Sisyphus looked when I first encountered him in the bath. His thighs looked so heavenly and soft, the light hairs of his legs catching the light._

_When he pulled himself close to me in the bath, the heat of his skin against mine. When he kissed me, I felt his desire, full and strong brush against my leg. He wants me too, perhaps as strongly as I want him._

_That is reassuring to think. The longer I think upon it, the stronger my desire grows._

_I long to please him however I can. I want to reassure him, I want to tell him how deeply I long for him. But it seems that I can never find the right words. If words do fail me, perhaps my lips and tongue could serve him in another way._

_all he has to do is ask, and I would get on my knees before him. I would follow his every order and let him release himself between my lips._

* * *

 

After sisyphus finished reading the entry, he placed the open book on El Cid’s chest. Cid’s eyes fluttered open, sisyphus could hardly bare to watch.

Sisyphus laid back flat on his back, his desire throbbing between his legs, his breathing starting to come faster.

El Cid rolled on his side and rested one hand on the other side of Sisyphus. When Sisyphus opened his eyes, El Cid was there hanging above him, his eyes full of intensity.

“wordlessly, my tongue dances

my lips parted to make way

where sound exits

i beg for thee to enter

dispel your worries with me”

Sisyphus covered his face and had to keep himself from squealing out loud. El Cid’s deep and penetrating voice had coursed through Sisyphus’ whole body and he was on the verge of shaking.

“Oh my god El Cid you wrote about wanting me to cum in your mouth,” Sisyphus sputtered.

“I am glad that my meaning came across so clearly to you.”

Sisyphus let out a low whine between his fingers still trying to keep his elation concealed.

“El Cid…why was I such a fool.”

“You were not a fool.”

“I was always so quick to react, I was always so afraid, so sure you were reject my furher advances…I’m so sorry.”

El Cid lifted a hand briefly to touch Sisyphus’ hair. “Do you wish to read further?”

“Yes. Just a little bit more.”

As desperately as Sisyphus wanted to take El Cid in that very moment, he also felt how the longer he waited, the more intense his feelings became.

Sisyphus pulled himself on top of El Cid, resting between his legs. Sisy took the diary back into his hands, and El Cid gently draped his arms around Sisyphus. They settled in and got comfortable as Sisyphus started to read again.


	3. Chapter 3

 

_Mayo 18th 1739_

_It is difficult to imagine that anything could flare my desires more than seeing Sisyphus in the nude; more than him pressing his body against mine; more than feeling his erection brush against my leg._

_But today, I believe that Sisyphus lost control of himself, if only a little bit._

_There was cause for celebration; Aldebaran’s birthday. Sisyphus invited me along with several others to a tavern in the nearby village. Social events of this ilk are certainly not my favorite, but at a small gathering of friends; I was able to manage. Most significantly, this was the very first time that I ever saw Sisyphus imbibe._

_I write this a good two days since the party, as needless to say, I struggled to fully process what i had experienced. Since that day, Sisyphus has indeed continued as normal, perhaps because he does not remember what happened at the party; but I will never be able to forget._

_I stayed close by Sisyphus’ side. I did not expect for him to show me affection, or acknowledge me as his Lover or any such thing; I was under the impression that such a relationship was to be kept private. That was the case however, until sisyphus had consumed exactly 5 shots of hard liquor._

_Sisyphus indeed grew more and more loud and openly affectionate the more liquor that he consumed. He spoked loudly, joking and reminiscing with Aldebaran. I had been under the impression that their relationship had cooled as of late; but with drinks between them; you would think that nothing had changed in the slightest._

_Sisyphus began by holding on to me, rather tightly. He placed a hand on my shoulder, that then became him gripping me for support; until by the 5th shot, he was simply groping me, there was no other way to describe it._

_I was flustered, not knowing how to respond, apart from gape at him as Sisy simply grinned, his hand trying to worm its way into my shirt._

_Aldebaran and Manigoldo laughed raucously, seeming to take everything as a joke._

_Sisyphus however seemed intent on correcting them._

_-I must make myself clear,_

_Sisyphus said, slurring only slightly._

_-This, beautiful, stoic rock of a man; is indeed my new lover._

_He said, causing Aldebaran and Manigoldo to pause and take him seriously for a moment._

_-It’s about time!_

_Aldebaran grumbled, leaning over to pat Sisyphus harshly on the back._

_-I’m glad to hear it! you two seem happy!_

_I was overjoyed that Sisyphus was being so open about his relationship to his close friends; but I was growing increasingly flustered. And I did not know how far sisyphus would go if unabated._

_I stood up suddenly, pulling away while grabbing onto Sisyphus’ wrist to take him with me._

_Manigoldo cheered,_

_-Alright! Get some time alone you two love birds!_

_My face was undoubtably completely red, but I needed Sisyphus alone and away from the crowd as soon as possible._

_I led Sisyphus by the hand to an unused back area of the tavern. It was a small dining room used for larger private functions. As soon as we were concealed in the darkness of the unlit room, Sisyphus wasted no time in pinning me completely to the wall. I couldn’t fully make out his face, but I felt his breath; his chest pressed against me, his legs nudging me further against the wall. One leg around my hip, the other leg pressing tauntingly between my thighs. I let out a low whine, my hands going to dig into his back._

_-I see now, El Cid,_

_Sisyphus said in a low and melodic tone I had not heard him use before._

_-You wanted me all to yourself; didn’t want me showing you off like that._

_I swallowed, my mouth seeming to go dry as I was unable to voice a reply. Sisyphus’ hand retuned to my chest, tearing open two buttons as his large and calloused fingers explored my skin._

_I let out another low whine, so overwhelmed, but nowhere near wanting him to stop._

_Of course, logically, I could not very well have Sisyphus take me there in that tavern, but there was a part of me that wanted him to. I certifiably wanted our first time to be gentle, loving and full of our overflowing feelings; but with Sisyphus so very close to ravaging me on the spot; I was acutely aware of what I wanted him to to do me after we had crossed that first barrier._

_I let out a groan, pressing my obvious erection shamelessly against his thigh. Sisyphus then let out a low chuckle._

_-Oh my, my, my~ How naughty you are being_

_His lips then moved closer to my ear, his breath ghosting against my earlobe and causing me to shudder._

_-I may have to…put you in your place now. I need to make sure that you know how to behave and do as you are told._

_I swallowed again, my arousal growing sharply at his words. I had not previously been aware of this proclivity of mine; but it is very clear to me now. I had no issue with Sisyphus holding that dominance over me, indeed; I clearly relished in it._

_-Si, used es mi amo._

_I said breathlessly, my hips beginning to move against his in a regular rhythm as he pressed back harder in response._

_-You better be good, and if you are a good listener I will be sure to reward you._

_He said again in such a low and alluring voice that I couldn’t help but moan his name again._

_At that moment we were in fact, interrupted. Honestly, I was grateful for it. Sisyphus seemed perturbed, he looked almost like he would raise a hand against the young Manigoldo who stopped us._

_Sisyphus however did let go of me and I slumped against the wall._

_I was surprised when Manigoldo remained there with me. It was dark so I did not notice at first._

_Manigoldo drew close and spoke in a low voice._

_-Hey, I know Sisyphus just said you two were lovers and all but,_

_He paused, I could just make out him shifting in the low light that came form the doorway._

_-Maybe I just don’t know you that well, but you looked a little uncomfortable with how he was feeling you up out there, so I uh,_

_Manigoldo paused again._

_-I just wanted to check, to make sure everything was cool. I couldn’t see what was going on in here either. But, I figured it was best to stop it before it got out of hand, you know?_

_Manigoldo was clearly trying to hide his genuine concern; I being somewhat an expert in the concealing of ones’ emotions; even in the low light, it was abundantly clear to me in his tone and his mannerisms. He had been genuinely concerned for me, and I was frankly, touched._

_I reached out a hand to place it on his shoulder, clearing shocking Manigoldo deeply._

_-I appreciate your concern, deeply. Your keen obsvervation despite your inebriation speaks to the height of your character and your quality as a friend._

_-hey, I wasn’t even drinking that much, it’s no big deal._

_-It is a very big deal._

_I replied seriously. I had slipped into a heavily accented Spanish, causing him to fall into a very similar Italian that I understood very easily._

_-I was indeed shocked by how open and affectionate Sisyphus was being whilst still in public. While it was certainly not unwelcome, you are correct in assuming it was best to stop him. So I thank you. I cannot say for certain wether or not I would have been able to stop him in a prudent manner._

_Manigoldo nodded, leaning forward to give me a casual pat on the shoulder._

_-Hey man, I can tell that it’s pretty rough; what with Sisyphus in particular taking on so much responsibility. So if you ever was to talk about; whatever_

_He paused, his implication being clear_

_-and I mean, whatever you want, you know where to find me._

_Manigoldo left me, and I went to go and find sisyphus, but I could not find him. Hasgard did not know where he went, and so I took my leave. Certainly the best course of action considering my over all state._

_It has been two days since this incident, and I have not yet gotten an opportunity to speak with Sisyphus about this incident in person. As it so happens, I had to depart on a mission the day after, and am now only able to write as I am staying the night in an Inn on my own._

_I do hope to be able to speak with Sisyphus as soon as I am blue to upon my return. I do not even know if Sisyphus even remembers what happened, but I surely will not be able to forget any time soon._

_—_

_Ah, sweet sisyphus, I beg of thee_

_Take me as you will---_

* * *

* * *

 

There was quite a lot for Sisyphus to process after reading, and as such he let himself rest against El Cid’s chest for a few moments.

“I”m so sorry…El Cid.”

“Hm?” El Cid asked without opening his eyes.

Sisyphus pulled himself up a little so that he was looking down at El Cid’s beautiful face. Sisyphus gently touched his cheek and ran his fingers through El Cid’s bangs. “I had completely forgotten what happened that night at the tavern. More, I had assumed it had all been a dream.”

“I presumed that to be the case.”

“You left on your most recent mission right after that…”

“And so we never even got to discuss it,” El Cid replied.

“Perhaps for the best,” Sisyphus said. “If I had known about that…”

“The guilt might have overwhelmed you.”

“Yeah,” Sisyphus had begun rubbing his thumb over El Cid’s chin and lower lip.

El Cid let out a satisfied sigh, his face leaning into Sisyphus’ touch. “I am certain that you could tell from my writings; that I loved that side of you.”

Sisyphus let out a slightly nervous chuckle. “Well I apologize, if my sober self disappoints then.”

“I am convinced that side of you is still there; the part of you that will take control.”

“I don’t know…El Cid…”

El Cid’s eyes opened and Sisyphus let out a small gasp, his eyes now locked with El Cid’s. “I do know. I know you, Sisyphus.”

Sisyphus didn’t respond immediately and only gazed back at El Cid in silence for a few moments. “The poem!” Sisyphus suddenly exclaimed, using that as an excuse to break eye contact. Sisyphus then grabbed the diary and placed it between he and El cid’s faces.

“Be the explorer of my depths

Return, again and again

Until you know it as your own

Know that you belong here”

Sisyphus felt a pang of arousal so strong he swore he could feel his erection twitch. “El Ciiiiid...” Sisyphus positively wailed, his whole body full to the brim with longing.

“I am adequately rested now, thank you.”

Sisyphus nodded and reached up to touch El Cid’s face. “El Cid I love you,”

“I love you too, Sisyphus,” he replied, placing a hand to cover Sisyphus’.

Sisyphus placed both of his hands on El Cid’s broad and firm chest. Sisyphus slid one of his legs between El Cid’s thighs, and while pushing open the collar of Cid’s shirt, leaned in to meet El Cid’s waiting lips.

El Cid did not hesitate, one of his hands going to the back of Sisyphus’ head to deepen the intimacy of their kiss. Their tongues teased at each other, Sisyphus taking in the feel of El Cid's lips.

Cid's mouth was all but agape, an open invitation that Sisyphus took gladly.

With a gasp he opened his mouth and slid his tongue between El Cid’s lips. El Cid let out a low and guttural moan, his tongue eagerly sliding back against Sisyphus’. Cid angled his head to the side and pushed his tongue back into Sisyphus’ mouth in turn, hungrily taking in the sensation.

Sisyphus didn’t want to pull away, he desperately loved the feeling of the dozens of nerves taking in El Cid’s taste and texture. Just from his tongue and lips alone, Sisyphus felt utterly intoxicated. El Cid let out another low grunt and Sisyphus replied by pressing his leg harder between El Cid’s legs. El Cid’s grunt became a strained wail and one of his hands flew out to clamp down on Sisy’s ass in response. Sisyphus let out a satisfied purr while grinding himself against El Cid’s firm left thigh.

Sisyphus pulled his lips away with great reluctance, placing his left hand back on El Cid’s face. El Cid’s lips hung open, panting heavily. Sisyphus then slid two of his fingers into El Cid’s waiting mouth, and El Cid immediately snapped his mouth closed.

“Now that’s a good boy,” Sisyphus muttered with a smirk.

El Cid ran his tongue greedily along Sisyphus’ fingers, desperate for even the slightest taste. Sisyphus then dragged his mouth down El Cid’s chin and neck, searching until he found the most sensitive spot. El Cid let out a low moan and Sisy knew he had found his mark. With slow intentionality, Sisyphus pulled the sensitive skin between his lips and applied just enough pressure with his teeth. El Cid’s hand clamped down on Sisy's ass again, his moan muffled by Sisy’s fingers in his mouth. Sisyphus nearly lost himself in how much El Cid was enjoying the kiss, but eventually Sisy pulled back to see his handiwork. Already a bright red mark was forming on Cid's skin, possibly even a bruise in the near future. In the moment, the fact that it was in such an obvious place was exhilarating to Sisyphus. In that moment, he wanted everyone to be able to know that El Cid belonged to only him.

El Cid didn’t seem to be in a hurry to stop lingating Sisyphus’ fingers, and Sisyphus didn’t want him to stop. But, Sisyphus had a feeling that El Cid would rather be sucking on a different appendage of his. That thought managed to both thrill and terrify him. As much as Sisyphus deeply and completely loved El Cid; that line of intimacy still felt treacherous to cross.

But for the moment, Sisyphus was more than happy to indulge in El Cid’s desires as much as he could. To bring the two of them as physically close as was possible.

Sisyphus pulled back, enough to take off his own shirt over his head. Looking down, he saw how El Cid’s eyes lingered on his own chest, and Sisyphus grinned. Seeing the obvious desire in El Cid’s gaze felt wonderful. Sisyphus then undid the rest of El Cid’s shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, helping pull it off each arm. El Cid then wrapped his arms around Sisyphus, the two of them gasping at the intimate contact.

“Sisyphus,” El Cid muttered, his face pressed against Sisyphus’ neck.

“El Cid,” Sisyphus replied, running one of his hands down El Cid’s back. Sisyphus then pulled back, sitting now with his ass against El Cid’s growing erection. Sisyphus smirked, moving his hips and seeing how El Cid’s face contorted with he intense pleasure. “I am going to be honest, El Cid,” Sisyphus began, his eyes heavily lidded as he took in El Cid’s delicious expression. “After that encounter at the baths, I also pleasured myself while alone.”

El Cid let out a short gasp.

“Does that idea excite you? The image of me writhing in ecstasy while calling out your name?”

“Yes,” El Cid grunted.

Sisyphus reached down to unbuckle his pants; taking apart the two legs of the garment and sliding them down his legs. Sisyphus then propped himself up enough to get at the crotch flap and the fasteners of El Cid’s pants and push them away.

Sisyphus’ breath caught in his throat when he was able to see El Cid’s erection clearly pressing through the cloth of his underwear. The two of them shuffled off their pants, now down to their breeches alone. Without hesitation, Sisyphus sat back down, grinding his rear into El Cid’s cock, causing his eyes to squeeze shut and his mouth to fall open.

“Sisyphus,” El Cid grunted. “Wait…slow down.” He pleaded, his hands gripping Sisyphus’ shoulders for dear life.

“I cannot—” He grimaced. “I cannot hold out very long…like this.” El Cid struggled to find the words, but opted to be completely honest with his love. El Cid grabbed the sides of Sisyphus’ face and stared straight into his eyes. “I do not have much endurance, to be frank.”

Sisyphus blinked, taken off guard at first by how frank El Cid was being, but quickly moved back off of El Cid’s hips in response. Sisyphus held El Cid gently and listened carefully.

“And I do not doubt, that in your presense, I will last even shorter,” El Cid said. “I just wished to warn you,If in fact you did not want to go that far tonight.”

Sisyphus took one of El Cid’s hands from his face and interlaced their fingers. “Thank you for telling me, El Cid. There is no shame in it. If anything, it is flattering if my mere presence alone can already bring you near climax.”

The corner of El Cid’s mouth quirked up slightly, his shoulders relaxing. “I thank you…for being so understanding.”

“Of course, my love.”

El Cid undoubtedly would be able to sense Sisyphus’ hesitancy. No way would Sisyphus be able to hide that from him. Sisyphus leaned his face in closely, wanting to kiss him again but resisting for the moment. “Tell me, what should we do.”

“I hate to put a break in our momentum—”

Sisyphus shook his head, climbing off of El Cid’s lap and lying down on his side on the bed. Sisyphus pulled El Cid down with him and met his eyes. “Do not apologise, clearly we must discuss this.”

El Cid nodded. “Clearly, as you have read…I do long for all forms of intimacy with you. Fellatio—and other such acts. But, there is no need to go that far tonight. Not least because I am not at my full…vigor.”

Sisyphus cracked a small gentle smile, stroking the side of El Cid’s face lovingly. “The thought of doing those things with you…thrills me, but to be honest, it also frightens me.”

El Cid nodded. “I understand. We will only go as far as you are comfortable.”

“Because El Cid…if I continue to open myself to you, and it so happens that you find something within me that ends up turning you away—”

El Cid didn’t respond at first, his heart sinking at how Sisyphus’ face clouded. “Has that…happened to you?”

“What?”

“Has someone close to you…seen a part of you that disgusted them?”

“I…”

“I have already seen you fully nude, and I must say that I liked what I saw.”

Sisyphus sputtered slightly. “Yes, and I have seen you as such.”

“I know that is not exactly what you meant but…you did seem flustered and embarrassed when I saw you naked like that.”

“I am ashamed a bit…of my body yes.”

“Is that because of someone in particular?”

Sisyphus bit his lip and looked down. “Yes…a lover in the past, ridiculed me for…” Sisyphus paused. “He also repudiated my character, how pathetic I was. How I was so desperate in my need for validation, for support and praise.”

“Sisyphus…” El Cid moved himself closer. “You don’t deserve that, Sisyphus. We all have faults and personal failings. And to think that you received such scorn from someone who claimed to love you…”

“I’m sorry El Cid…it was so long ago and yet—”

“There is no set time in which the pains of the past will fade.” El Cid said, his voice soft and sincere. “I will not force you, I cannot imagine how heartbreaking and traumatizing it must be.”

“If only I could forget…if only he could disappear from my life…” Sisyphus said as he grit his teeth.

El Cid was almost certain he knew of whom Sisyphus spoke, and he pulled an arm tightly around Sisyphus. “Just know Sisyphus that I do love you, no matter what. And because of that, I will wait as long as I need to, for you to be ready.”

“What if I’m never ready, El Cid! What if my one failed love has ruined me forever!”

“Then I have my imagination and my trusted left hand to sate my urges,” El Cid said with a small smirk. “You owe me nothing of your body that you are unable to give.”

Sisyphus’ eyes grew glassy as he gazed back at El Cid, his lower lip beginning to tremble.

There was only so far they could go; El Cid’s exhaustion could not be fully dispelled after one single nap, after all. But there was no rush, no desperation. Even though their lives could end tomorrow; they still had time. They had time enough to experience each other as much as possible.

Sisyphus thought to himself long and hard, trying to unknot his desires. He wanted to press his naked body against El Cid, find that intimacy, that closeness that he had longed for so intensely. But for some reason, he didn’t want El Cid to see him that vulnerable, not quite yet. It felt selfish and wrong but he knew that El Cid would want whatever made sisyphus the most comfortable.

“El Cid, you trust me, don’t you?”

“With my life.”

Sisyphus blinked, slightly startled, but not surprised by his open dedication. “I’m sorry but I can’t explain what’s wrong. You’ve seen me naked, and I loved the way you looked at me and yet…”

“Sisyphus…”

“I have an idea,” Sisyphus reached back and untied his headband, the red strip of cloth falling into his hands. He brought it over to El Cid’s face and looked up at him intently. “Tell me if I am overthinking things but,” Sisyphus shook his head. “No, it was obvious. You clearly have a great interest in…submitting to me, in a sexual context.”

A blush filled el cid’s features, his eyes widening. Sisyphus could have sworn that El Cid’s pupils even dilated.

Sisyphus cleared his throat and continued. “If you find it appealing, I can blindfold you and then…have my way with you.”

El Cid seemed too overwhelmed to reply and only nodded vigorously. He moved his body closer to Sisyphus, placing his hand on the back of sisyphus’ head. El Cid leaned his forehead in to rest against Sisyphus’ El Cid’s breathing coming fast and heavy. “I am at your mercy,” El Cid whispered, causing Sisyphus to shudder.

Sisyphus then pulled the headband over El Cid’s eyes and tied it behind his head. El Cid let out a sigh and a small smile while leaning forward in search of another kiss.

“I want you to use me, Sisyphus,” El Cid muttered. “I was not kidding earlier. I will not last long if you decide to pleasure me. And so keep that in mind.”

“In that case, why don’t I take care of you first?”

El Cid bit his lip, obviously he would want Sisy to cum first, but he had decided to let Sisyphus take control. “I will let you lead me.” El Cid then leaned forward and whispered a safe word into Sisyphus’ ear, Sisyphus nodded, squeezing El Cid’s hand and giving him another kiss.

With that, Sisyphus ran his hands down El Cid’s immaculate abdomen to his hips. Sisyphus undid the buttons and pulled the garment away leaving El Cid totally bare. Sisyphus didn’t waste a moment before taking off his own undergarment and all but launching himself against El Cid’s waiting body.

El Cid let out the most magnificent wail, no longer able to hold back. “Sisyphus!” He wailed, losing himself in the sensation of Sisyphus’ body pressed so closely against every inch of his own.

Sisyphus ground their hips together, digging his fingers like claws into El Cid’s shoulders. El Cid’s legs flew open to clasp desperately around Sisyphus’ hips while Sisyphus slid El Cid’s cock between his upper thighs.

El Cid wailed wordlessly, arms and legs clinging to his love as Sisyphus rocked his hips, fucking El Cid as hard as he could with his thighs.

As glorious as it was, El Cid was right and he didn’t last long. With a few more powerful strokes, El Cid screamed and came between Sisyphus’s thighs before collapsing back onto the bed.

Sisyphus gently stroked El Cid’s hair, holding him while El Cid recovered as much as he could.

“That was the first time I made you cum~” Sisyphus cooed softly.

“Yes, indeed it was.”

“I really enjoyed it, I hope you did too.”

“I did, because it was you.”

Sisyphus kissed the side of El Cid’s face, caressing his chest gently.

“Sisyphus…” El Cid sighed, lifting a hand to grope blindly towards Sisyphus.

“Yes, my love?”

“Please, use my body however you wish,” El Cid grunted. “So that you may follow me, into ecstasy.”

Sisyphus gave an involuntary shudder, finding that he quite liked it when El Cid spoke like that. Sisyphus pulled back and dragged his eyes down every beautiful line of El Cid’s perfect body.

“I want to paint you with my cum,” Sisyphus growled. “I want to mark you as mine, and mine alone.”

El Cid let out an almost pained wheeze, his hand clamping down on what part of Sisyphus he could reach. “Please…” he gasped.

Sisyphus pulled back, dragging El Cid with him. With some work, he got El Cid so that his rear was aligned with the edge of the bed.

Sisyphus got off the bed and stood in front of El Cid. Sisyphus then lifted el Cid’s legs and rested El Cid’s calves on his shoulders. Sisyphus then got closer, and carefully slid his cock into the base of Cid’s thighs. Sisyphus let out a low moan, feeling the fat and muscle of Cid’s firm thighs fully envelop his arousal.

“El Cid…” He couldn’t help but moan before he began his firm thrusts.

El Cid clenched and moved his thighs against Sisyphus’ rhythm, listening intently, his ears now more attuned than ever; able to perceive all of Sisyphus’ pleasure through the sound of his voice and breathing alone.

“El Cid!” Sisyphus’ eyes squeezed shut as he thrusted faster and faster, about to lose himself before he threw open El Cid’s legs at the last second. Sisyphus lurched forward and finished himself off with his own hand, cumming all over el cid’s splendid abs as Sisy had wanted.

Sisyphus then managed to crawl on top of el Cid, grabbing and dragging him again so that they rolled back onto the bed together. Sisyphus was still breathing heavily, but he clung to El Cid, grabbing a blanket to cover both of them.

“How was it?” El Cid asked, reaching out to touch Sisyphus’ face while he was still blindfolded.

“It was exquisite. Your thighs felt absolutely heavenly.”

“How did I look, adorned with your pearls?”

Sisyphus laughed. “You looked wonderful. Beautiful, but my love you are always beautiful.”

El Cid gave a small smile. “I am glad. To be beautiful in your eyes Sisyphus…it means everything to me.”

Sisyphus stared at el Cid for a few moments. Despite having just had a splendid orgasm, sisyphus felt the warmth from El Cid’s words quite strongly. “And same to you, dear El Cid. I do love the way that you look at me.”

El Cid smiled, his hand continuing to caress Sisyphus’ cheek. Sisyphus then finally removed El Cid’s blind fold and pulled himself flush against El Cid. “I would have you look at me that way, always.”

“Gladly.”

**Author's Note:**

> I almost completely forgot that I had this just lying around  
> My passion project that i started at Christmas  
> El Cid is a man of deep and overwhelming passion, he’s just bad at communicating; he’s a literary man.  
> And so it takes a significant event to get these two to finally fully open up to eachother


End file.
